Letter From the Outside

Dear Bean,

As I sit here wincing through another round of cervical kickboxing, I reflect on what got me here. Well, I mean I know what got me here but what I mean is, what the events that led to your conception were. We had just adjusted to your big sister, Kitty, being a toddler and doing those toddlery things she does. Daddy and I told one another after her birth that we were done having babies. That we were getting older, not so 20ish anymore, and that we would raise who we had and be selfish people who slept in on Sundays and ate lots of sushi and didn't have much grey hair. But...when I looked at her and your brother Ian and when I thought about your sister Anna and your oldest brother Aoghdan I thought to myself; "Surely we're not done yet."

We weren't.

Daddy and I decided that one more was the magic number and thinking on the 8 or so months it took us to get pregnant with Kitty, we decided to start trying right away. Two months later, there you were. Our little zygote. Our last chance at parenthood and all that comes with it.

Here I sit, just a month from meeting you and between fighting off heartburn, fatigue, dizziness and mood swings, I think to myself, I am one lucky girl. When you stir inside me it reminds me that love creates some pretty amazing things. Your little hiccups make me think on your father and how you were a gift of selflessness and love from him to me. One more baby to complete our family.

I can't wait to meet you Bean. I try to imagine what you will look like but I know in the end it will be a surprise. Brown hair or black, Kitty's almond complextion or will you be milky white like Ian and Anna and Aoghdan? For now, I content myself with your movements and the knowledge that soon, you'll make your appearance and we'll all get to meet you and smother with kisses.

Love,
Your Mommy